| (no subject) |
[Sep. 22nd, 2006|02:50 pm] |
For all of you who don't know i'm moving to Tampa tomorrow... I am very excited/nervous/anxious/scared about this situation... It happened soooo fast, and I wasn't prepared for it... Just so you all know you can come stay with me whenever you want, and I hope you do!!! I love you guys and i'll be down all the time so no worries :0)
xoxo |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 18th, 2006|06:07 pm] |
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| [ | mood |
| |  bitchy | ] |
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| | Better than toast-cringe or smile | ] |
I am disgusted with this person i've become in the past few months... I had become so independent and in the snap of a finger I got hooked and lost that again... I can't let myself keep falling in this same pit of despair and conformity, that's not me, not now not ever... I am not your puppet yet I had let you control my emotions when they aren't yours to determine... Yes, I took my wall down and in the same night I will rebuild it and make it stronger... I feel bad for my future relationships because of you they are going to have to deal with my psychotic breakdowns and emotional unavailability. Poor guys.... Sigh, i'm glad you all think it's funny to play with emotions and hearts as if it's a game of beer pong... Keep shooting until you score than take that cup out of the game right? Ya, now i'm on your level and you bafoons understand... I hope one day you grow up, and after years of decifering your own thoughts and your own sorrows, you'll come to the realization that it was you that was screwed in the head and not us "crazy" ex girlfriends... At least I made it to a title instead of "summer fling" which is all it was intended to be, you were just too coward to admit it... Ha, I can now laugh at the fact that you are still a child, and after all the costumes and disguises, my blindfold is off and I see the real you... Which by the way, sucks... I'm not wrting to be mean nor am I writing in hopes you'll wake up, no that would be silly of me... I am writing this to vent and get my frustrations out... I feel as if i'm the one who should apologize, for being a hopeless romantic and trying my hardest to make our situation work, thinking maybe you would change your mind and still want me... I'm such a harlequin, I was so busy being deceived by your charades that I didn't realize it was all an act... I apologize to myself not you, for I am the one who has hurt myself, you simply didn't react in the manner I thought you should, and that was me having expectations.... Which I should have never done... |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 17th, 2006|12:52 pm] |
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| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
I am so torn between emotions and logic... Why can it never be easy? |
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| My Day |
[Sep. 12th, 2006|12:33 pm] |
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| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | frou frou | ] |
My birthday is tomorrow... It will most likely suck since every b-day in my exsistance has been awful... Oh well maybe one of you will care and make it a splendid day...
xoxo |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 10th, 2006|04:08 am] |
Went to G-Ville last night and had a decent time hahaha NO... So I drove to Tampa at 3 am and have been here ever since.... Drinking and smoking hookah alllllllll day lol... Too bad Chris is still being a gayfer lol but at least I got laid.... hmmm.... I don't know my feelings about this situation just quite yet but don't fret I shall keep you posted... Until tomorrow... I love you guys... I miss all of (wel most) you as well...
xoxo |
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| Friday Night 9/8/06 |
[Sep. 8th, 2006|12:55 pm] |
I am getting ready to leave to go to G-Ville.... It will be superb... Ha ha I am soooooo excited... Peace out!
xoxo |
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| Wow (and I don't mean the game) |
[Sep. 6th, 2006|12:52 pm] |
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I feel amazing today... I don't know why, but i'm not letting it go :0)
hee hee |
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| Splud.... Whoop... |
[Sep. 5th, 2006|07:39 pm] |
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| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
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| | Panic! at the disco | ] |
Ok I know it's werid as I usually tend to be... Yesterday I posted about my new enlightenment about people and apologizing, well as soon as I got done posting I got a message from Matt's (my ex) friend TJ. We ended up talking online til 5 in the morning, mission accomplished. We both vented about personal problems we are having and it actually felt good having someone else to talk to. I now have a greater appreciation for this girl I once disliked, so now I feel like my efforts have not gone to waste. After this I slept,I slept really good for this first time in a while... I woke up this morning with a completely new attitude, I broke it off with my indecisive boyfriend and told him I deserved better (which is the truth since I never did anything wrong to him). I organized a whole new approach towards school, one that will A. save me about 60K and B. give me more time to actually accomplish something greater. I am still moving to Tampa, but as previously scheduled not until next August. I will be starting Edison in January and working on general studies here until I can move. I will try to transfer to USF, but if for some reason I can't I will go to HCC until I can make that transition. Also, my BFF Kim decided today (finally, after much convincing) that she is definately moving with me... So I now at least have one roommate next August. YAY!!! We are both at a stand still in our lives and decided that we really want/need/deserve to live life to it's fullest and want the "college" experience. I want to party all weekend and be hungover on Sunday craming for a test, I know that's unusal, but I think the stories and the experiences will be worth it later in life... I am very excited about everything, especially since I am the one who always says "everything always happens for a reason" it's tue... If me and Matt never broke up none of this would have ever happened. I would not be who I am today with and without him. To that I am thankful, I have some pretty amazing friends who have gotten me through alot this year and I will be in debt forever (or until you fall on your ass and I pick you up lol). I honestly believe next year is going to be amazing!
xoxo |
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| As if I needed to have another epiphany... |
[Sep. 4th, 2006|11:34 pm] |
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| | accomplished | ] |
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| | Thoughts in my head | ] |
Today I fell off the planet and into my own realm of nonexsistance, a little something I like to call crazytown. I decided, I thought it would be a good idea to apologize to people I have offended and/or hurt in the past. Mind you, not everyone i've hurt for I cannot spend the rest of my life saying "i'm sorry", geez. I picked a few people in particular I have been a pompous ass to over the years, let's just say, I should've kept my mouth shut. Apparently when you try to be nice this crazed conspiracy theory world we live in can't accept such unfamiliar actions. Everyone is looking for my alterior motive, and in all reality, I don't actually have one. This is probably the first time in my life i've been genuine, but fuck this haha. It is way too complicated to try and reach out and right your wrongs. No wonder people are stubburn and grow old and cranky, but at the end of the day at least my conscience is cleared (I think). I started out by trying to contact the worst of the worst, my ex boyfriend. He didn't even respond. Did I really expect him to? After everything I have ever done to him, should I even have the balls to reach out and offer a peace offering? Well, maybe I shouldn't, but I do... Maybe he'll realize I have changed and at least reply back with my much hated "k". Moving forward, I then contacted his friend TJ, her and I have been a downhill battle since about senior year. So I sent my letter and my condolences for her car crash she had recently had. Nothing. Next I moved on to another one of his "friends", mind you a girl he slept with 4 years ago... I apologized to her and she actually responded and accepted (secretly, still hate her). I then noticed his sister is getting married, after knowing her for 5 years I thought it would be nice of me to send her a congratulations letter, again nothing. That's ok I made my peace with them. I obviously have lost my mind by thinking I can change peoples perspective of me, but I don't mind. As long as I know I have become a bigger and better person I thinkk eventually they will see that to. Until then, my rehab on my inner self shall continue, i'm just not quite sure how yet...
xoxo |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 2nd, 2006|08:40 pm] |
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My friends obviously hate me... (tear) |
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